29 stycznia

It’s the last night before our meeting and I want to remember every detail of it - every second of stress and being inpatient, every heart beating, every thought in my head. There are a lot of scenarios there, some are making me scary, some of them are preparing me for the most beautiful day in my life. Happiness is the main feeling, being nervous because I’ll see you, the real person, who is so important to me how I can’t even describe. I love you. I loved you really quick and it made me feel so scary about myself, about my emotions, about being hurt. But I love you. You are the most beautiful person. You are my mirror, I can see you in myself as you can see yourself in me as well. I wasn’t prepared for that, thinking that my feelings are dead, emotions and love in me died long time ago. You are taking it from ashes, making me feel strong and confidence, love world and myself more and more with everyday. Showing me that there is hope, that I can love someone, even I don’t know why and from where. Tomorrow at 3pm we will meet in the airport and waiting for it it’s like waiting for the most wanted gift. Thank you for every second you gave me. Thank you for every word we shared and will be sharing. Thank you for being so good to me, to respect me, to making this way easier. Even if I will be depressed, in the baddest mood, remember that I’m trying my best to be my best version. For you. For me, for us. The most beautiful journey in our live is starting now. I’ll probably show you this one day but I’m writing it to remember this feeling and hold it with me always. Es tevi mīlu. 

I don’t love you as if you were a rose of salt, topaz,   
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:   
I love you as one loves certain obscure things,   
secretly, between the shadow and the soul. 

I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom but carries   
the light of those flowers, hidden, within itself,   
and thanks to your love the tight aroma that arose   
from the earth lives dimly in my body. 

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,   
I love you directly without problems or pride: 
I love you like this because I don’t know any other way to love, 
except in this form in which I am not nor are you,   
so close that your hand upon my chest is mine,   
so close that your eyes close with my dreams.

Pablo Neruda, “One Hundred Love Sonnets: XVII”